Getting along with others is certainly an important and critical factor for your personal and professional success.  Sometimes, however stress can kick in and you can instantly lose some or all of your social graces. 

     When I address groups, particularly corporate audiences, I frequently get comments like "my boss is such a jerk, he/she needs to hear you speak."  The truth is we all have to be reminded of the basic human relating skills that are needed to "play nicely in the sandbox" with each other.  When you are in a work group, like in your family, you can take people for granted or start to focus solely on the negatives which can cause you to lose your kindness, especially when faced with stress. 

     Life balance expert and fellow author and speaker Mary LoVerde says "connection is the best reliever of stress".  In my book, "The Connected and Committed Leader", I also highlight the importance of connection as a way to lead people and your life more effectively. 

     Connection helps us to not be jerks.  Real leaders are not jerks. 

      Stanford Professor and author, Robert Sutton states in his new book, "The No Asshole Rule" that over 90% of people are subjected to abusive behaviors at work.  He doesn't soft pedal at all.  I prefer to use the term jerk, he's more blunt about calling them assholes.  However, whether you use the term jerk or asshole, it really doesn't matter because when you encounter them you know it.  And when you are being one, you better know it.  After all,  if 90% of people have been subjected to jerk behavior, we all must have contributed to it.  We can easily slip to the other side and become a jerk too!

     Since you can only impact your behavior and your reactions to the behaviors of others...calling everyone else a jerk and not claiming the potential or realized jerk inside of you is not a solution. 

     So as you enter  into one of the more stressful times of the year, and you encounter jerks or somehow manage to cross the line yourself, these tips should help you do your part this holiday season.

 

1.  Slow Down.  Remember to put it all into perspective.  If you were to get into a car accident, the to-do list certainly wouldn't get done.  Gain clarity on what can wait till another time.  Get connected to understand the critical things to do for you, your boss and your family.  Everything can't be #1 priority.

 

2.  Say No.  Don't get swept up in all the things you think you should do or should go to.  Liberate yourself from the list of shoulds to focus on what is most important.  Get connected to yourself to understand what is most important.  The holiday season is loaded with shoulds, try to sort through them.

 

3.  Be Empathetic.  When you encounter a jerk, step away without reacting and quietly say to yourself "Poor guy/gal, they seem so unhappy.  I understand, I have been there myself."  Don't let others spoil your happiness.  Get connected to others by relating to their commonalities.  We all see the differences of others more rapidly (in a negative light) rather than seeing the commonalities we all share. When you see that others are more like you, it is easy to find empathy for their mess-ups.  For persistent jerks, limit your exposure as much as is possible and try not to take it personally.

 

4.  Say You're Sorry.  When and if you cross the line and engage in some jerk-like behavior.  Stop, recognize it and apologize.  Say something like "I am sorry. I have lots going on and am stressed.  However, that is no excuse for my behavior."  Most people will react with empathy to a sincere apology. Get connected to yourself and know that you are fallible.  When you understand that you are not perfect, you are more apt to accept the missteps and slip ups of others.